ian's back

i missed him so. i'm really overjoyed to see him even though it had been only 5 months. it's really good talking to him again, having the familiar feelings once again just like when i was over at perth.

its 3.30am.

i'm so going to die @ training tml.

I think I’m hitting another down period. He kept appearing in my mind again since yesterday. And whenever that happens, my heart will sort of take a lurch and it’ll hurt for a moment before my mind feels the emotional pain as well. As it is, there’s usually a trigger to everything..and what triggered this was probably the conversation we had on msn few nights back.

We all have our moments of weakness. I managed to suppress them but sort of gave in to one. We chatted for a bit and against my better judgment; I asked what he did for vday. It’s like walking beyond safety barriers or strolling into a lion’s den, hoping that the lions inside have already had their fill.

He replied that he was out with a female friend. Well, I don’t really have to say more do I? The rest are rather self explanatory. I always knew that I have to move on from this r/s but I guess being stubborn by nature, I still believe(d) that what we had was much stronger to withstand this misunderstanding. Let’s see how much more shit I have to take from him before I’ll succumb my stubbornness to reality.

vday 2009

funny how things are sometimes.

the past 8 years, i was attached during vday, with different guys. (you can count last year as attached too, though at that point me n paul wasn't officially together)

4 different guys over 8 years, 8 possible vdays

can only remember one of the vday that left an impact, though not that all distinct..rest were horrible or just any other day

ultimately, i had the best vday in my life last night.

n i wasn't even attached

the irony of it ya?

how good was it?

all i can say is that it was sooo good that it stretched over 2 days. (or u can even say 3)

and the next guy will have a hard time topping this one


sometimes, one doesn't have to look that far

for my situation..

happiness is just a door away

and

it comes to you (literally)


seriously.. not too long ago, i still hoped that me n paul could spend it together.

but, i wouldnt trade it for him, nor any other guys.

thanks, really.

its been sometime since i'm this happy


next up....coldplay's gig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life has certainly been going on for me.. despite afew weeks back.. when everything seemed to stopped for a moment after the breakup.

I have to admit that I felt terrible back then, when reality started sinking in and he kept appearing in my dreams. The countless no more having him around, no more someone to go back to after work, no more of our planned future and dreams, no more of his laughter, hugs nor reassurance. The ‘no more’ period was one of the worst i guess..moreover it was close to the festive period and I was having pms.

But I;ve gone through this shit before back in Perth. Somehow, I recovered much faster than I did back then. Maybe it’s because this is the 2nd time, or maybe because this time I’m home with my family and friends, or maybe this time I have no more excuses for him.

Many asked the reason behind the breakup. I wouldn’t say if the reason is justifiable or not, it varies with individual. To me, it’s simple. If you’ve planned your future with ur other half and know that he’s the one for me, I would at least try to work things out. But these things require two parties. Since he is unwilling, there’s no more reason for me to waste my time and youth.

I’ve loved, lost, grieved, and of course, learnt. Sometime, it’s all this emotions that make us humans. I can’t say if I’ve moved on, but I’m getting more and more used to not having someone by my side these days. Being in a relationship for almost 8 years is somewhat tiring and I’m enjoying the single’s life now. Not that all my ex boyfriends controlled my freedom, to think of it, most of them let me do what I wanted. But this time is different. I have more time for my family, friends and myself. I find myself being so busy these days that I wonder how I managed to fit in having a bf back then.

Sometime last week I was at Yahoo CNY luncheon. They had several booths set up. One of them was a palmistry reader. Me & my colleagues went for it and he commented on my:

- you used to be cautious but now you are rather impulsive
- you are suited working with people
- you are strong in character and your success will be dependent on yourself
- you will get bogged down by family problems
- you will have a good life after marriage (which I asked: when?)
- (which he replied) probably your 3rd or 4th relationship

which I immediately exclaimed ‘ I just ended my 4th relationship! Does that mean that I will nv get married????’

which pretty amused everyone around me.
U should have seen my horrified face at that moment